great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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