Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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