Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
