grandma shit on top of the toilet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
