I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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