Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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