I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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