1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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