Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
No subtext here. People are naked.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
