He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
