She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
