so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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