I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
