Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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