You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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