I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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