If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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