Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
No I am not eating basil off your cock
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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