someone threw a dead crab at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
