I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And then he peed in my hair
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