This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
