My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
