I want to have your abortion
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
