He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
