wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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