The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
