Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
