Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
