If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
