I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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