i will never coherently bang her
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
