My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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