I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
