I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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