We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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