OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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