It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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