just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
