Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
