get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
