Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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