Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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