so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
