you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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