did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
