DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I seem to have left my pride at pride
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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