"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
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