This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
