after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
