Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
