1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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