Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
