franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
